Your large hands move slowly over my body, “I’ve waited so long to feel you next to me again.” Kissing down the nape of my neck your hands now cupping my face slide down to my shoulders an slowly your finger tips trace down my arms to my finger tips. Your mouth moves across my collar bone. I feel your hands in my hair. You’re breathing heavily. Before I lay back on the pillows I unbuckle your belt and unzip your pants, as you stand up they effortlessly fall over your hips an thighs to the floor. Laying back on a mound of frilly pillows I pull you with me, then move on my side. Now we are face to face an I can study you. You can feel the heat of my breath on your face an neck. Caressing your cheek with the back of my hand I lean in kissing you with slightly parted lips. My tongue shyly licks your lips then quickly disappears back into my mouth. Your entire body moves towards me. Your mouth an tongue coaxing mine into your mouth. My breast press against your chest, you soft hair. ‘What do you mean?’ I’d asked. ‘I mean that finally I’ve found a man I can bend my knee to. Who’s worthy of my servitude.’ I didn’t have to ask her where this left me on the hierarchy of her status, but I did all the same. I did because already the problem of her being dommed by Cormac was becoming a separate problem, a problem apart from the pain of losing her, a problem of such excruciating pain to my ego and the very structure of my personality that I honestly feared for my sanity. I tried to forget her and I couldn’t. I tried to forget what they’d done to me, how they’d humiliated me, emasculated me. Her story was that I just wasn’t the right type to bring out the submissive in her, and maybe that was true, but that’s not what I heard. What I heard was a challenge to my manhood and masculinity, a threat to my very idea of who I was. I wasn’t man enough, wasn’t male enough. The very love I’d shown her had made me feminine and weak, cloying and indecisive. I couldn’t live with.
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